I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
