So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
