They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
