R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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