There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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