We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
