speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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