For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
