I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How does one acquire holy water?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
