I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
