i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
