dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
