Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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