Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
