explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
