The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
