problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
