Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
