If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
