Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All I want is dick and wine.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
