I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
bring money and cleavage
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
