I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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