i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
