So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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