Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
