just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
