I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize