carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
