I've blown a few things in my day
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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