Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize