i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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