so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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