pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
