i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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