the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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