I think I won the penis lottery.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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