OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
