I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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