you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
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