If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize