my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
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