Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
