I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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