he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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