I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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