That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
