I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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