Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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