When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
