Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
