My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize