I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
