if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
