just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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