I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
