I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
