it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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