New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
