I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
