and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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