i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he fucked my hip out of place.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
