Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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