I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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