i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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