someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
