The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
