i barfeds in our rink
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
