Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
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