Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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