My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
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I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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