He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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