i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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