First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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