I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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